Sentimental About the Sixties? | | chronicle-tribune.com

2022-09-24 08:44:29 By : Ms. Shirley Always Eighteen

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Recently, I sent my older brother a sweatshirt for his 70th birthday that read, “I survived the sixties twice!”

To admit I also was an eyewitness to the craziness not only dates me, but in younger eyes, places me close to my expiration date. Or past it, but no one has noticed yet.

Still, I miss some aspects of the 1960s.

Skinniness: Beanpoles like me were encouraged to eat white bread, butter and sugar sandwiches, which would help us grow up healthy and strong. Sigh.

Simple media, consisting of print, radio, television and vinyl: No annoying updates crashed your device. No devices eavesdropped and broadcast your love life over the internet.

Uncomplicated TV: Four or five channels featured variety shows in which people sang and danced without votes, masks or Simon. Sure, cheesy programs predominated. But I will take stupid, harmless shows like “Mr. Ed,” and “My Mother, the Car” anytime over stupid, harmful ones.

Genuine G-rated movies: Parents could rubber-stamp a Walt Disney production without a second thought.

Gas station attendants: Manly guys not only pumped gas and cleaned windshields, but they could fix more than a hot dog. Plus, when I was a new driver in 1969, gas cost 34.9 cents per gallon. I could not have foreseen the price topping a dollar.

Fun transport: Today, police would arrest a driver hauling kids in the back of a pickup truck. But nothing compares to riding amid sultry, summer darkness, the wind cooling hot faces while singing night songs with the stars.

Well-behaved phones: When we made calls, we assumed we would speak with other human beings. No phone trees or telemarketers. If someone had pulled a phone from his pocket, we would have assumed he was a communist or a Klingon.

Safe neighborhoods: In our small town, only weird people locked their doors. Schools remained open all day, and some churches never closed. Security guards or codes? Unknown. I played outside with friends until after dark, when neighbor boys mounted an attack with Crazy Foam.

However, my brain has not expired to the point I do not recall negatives during the 1960s.

Dresses only: No slacks were allowed at school. We even wore dresses – mini-skirts – to ballgames! (Fortunately, that rule was repealed by my freshman year.)

Zombie makeup: I do not miss eye-to-brow blue eye shadow. Or white lipstick.

Ugly oxfords: I despised wearing the black, velvety shoes Mom loved. With my big feet, I felt like a cross between a princess and a lumberjack.

Smoking was restricted … nowhere: Macho cowboy cigarette ads abounded. As children, we made Play-Doh ashtrays and “smoked” candy cigarettes.

Vicks VapoRub: What Boomer does not remember being slathered with Vicks? Stricken with flu one Christmas, I ate holiday cookies that tasted exactly like the reeking goo.

Mercurochrome: Klutzes like me wore streaks of the orange, tortuous “cure” for cuts like warpaint. A small side note: Mercurochrome contained mercury.

Girls’ tortuous hair trends: Toni Permanents and brush rollers prevailed. Bowing to the super-long, straight hair craze of the latter 1960s, many girls slept – or tried to – on soup-can “rollers.” Naturally curly hair was ironed flat.

Guys’ weird hair: During the early Beatle era, most boys adopted a combination buzz-and-bangs style. My husband’s junior high pictures still scare me.

The Cold War: Because of nuclear testing, I was forbidden to catch snowflakes with my tongue. Get-under-your-desk drills in case of a nuclear emergency seemed odd, even then. Soviet Premier Khrushchev’s shoe-banging threats to bury the U.S. flooded newscasts and commercials.

School lunches: They consisted of starch, more starch and sugar.

Leaving children in a car: I was often put in charge of younger siblings while my parents dropped by the store – which explains a lot about me.

Fake exercise: Working out mostly consisted of using machines to “shake off” fat.

Actually, that would be nice. Sigh.

Someday, Gen X and Millennials may feel sentimental about surviving the 2020s. They will tell horror stories about COVID-19 boredom and toilet-paper shortages. Their young descendants will assume they are nearing their expiration dates.

Though I doubt those old people order the sweatshirts.

Somehow, “I survived the twenties twice” doesn’t have the same ring.

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